I try like hell to be consistent, but sometimes life gets in the way. I needed to prepare graphics for this post, which I intended to publish yesterday but had a hell of a migraine yesterday and the day before. So thanks for being patient, and here are my July 2015 Empties.
I’ve been wanting to do an empties post for a while, but for months I’d only have 1-2 empty items and who is writing a post about 1-2 empty things? The stars aligned this month and I actually finished up a good bit of stuff.
Million Dollar Tan Cabana Tan & Cabana Tan ExtremeSo I mentioned in last week’s favorites post that I have been using Million Dollar Tan sunless self-tanning products recently. I avoid tanning in the sun and do not tan in a bed any longer – I actually had no intention of getting any color this year, but by April I already didn’t match my fall/winter foundation quite right. My wedding was come up so I figured, “Oh hell, I’ll just self-tan since I already need different foundation anyway.”
I previously wrote about Jergens Natural Glow Self Tanners, but I wanted something that packed a little more punch that I didn’t have to apply every single day. The last couple months leading up to most weddings are pretty hectic (mine was no exception), and ain’t nobody got time for that. I’ve tried sample packets of the towelettes – I had one from Kate Somerville 360, but towelettes aren’t for me. Years ago I had tried a spray-on variety and wasn’t a fan either. I compiled a list of requirements and ventured forth to see what Google could share.
My requirements for a sunless tanner:
1. Please for the love of cats do not be perfumed/scented*
2. Wash off my hands easily, please.
3. Not a towelette.
4. Not a spray.
5. Not super thick or goopy.
6. Fast-drying.
Optional:
No green tint
No color guide
No shimmer/glitter/nonsense
Call me picky. It’s okay – I know I am when it comes to this. To touch on these – I’m not a fan of fragranced lotions to begin with; I definitely do not want a perfumed sunless tanner, as the fragrance will almost surely not be cute once the DHA starts reacting and the, “tanning smell,” starts*. I just plain don’t like the towelettes – they may be a good option for you if you are traveling a lot, but I’d still rather have lotion. Sprays can be messy – that isn’t to say they’re bad, just not for me. 5 & 6 coincide – I don’t want to sit there for a half hour waiting for my self-tanner to dry before I can get dressed or go to bed. As far as the optional stuff – some tanning products have a green tint or dye which helps counteract the orange that sometimes occurs. This isn’t a bad thing, but it coincides with the second optional point – I do not need instant gratifications. I do not want dyes or bronzers in my lotion; I can wait the 4-8 hours for the color to develop. Also, as I am not Ke$ha, please skip the shimmer/glitter. If I want something like that, I’ll get a Soap & Glory Body Butter.
The smell that so many people get mad about and say, “boo,” to tanning lotions over is going to happen to some degree with any lotion that contains DHA..which is most of them. DHA, or dihydroxyacetone, is a compound derived from beets and from sugar cane (not scary), and when applied to the skin it reacts with the amino acid in your skin – this is what produces the color you seek, but a side effect is that this reaction also produces a smell. The strength of the odor will depend on your own body chemistry and the concentration of DHA in the particular product you choose – but it isn’t that the lotion smells that way, it is actually your body producing this smell.
I only had four things to list in my March 2014 Favorites, and two of them are single shadows – this says a lot because I am very much so a palette girl. These are really something special.
2023 Update: I wrote this ten years ago. While I’ve definitely improved my internet composition skills, my snark and thoughts about this product are the same. In the meantime, I’ve given this a facelift (content is the same, just formatting and added headings). Hilariously, this product is still on the market!
In the first half of this year, I decided to start visiting a tanning salon (I have since stopped for a variety of reasons). Retail lotion prices, however, are not the friendliest at the salon, so I decided to consult the trusty internet for guidance. While shopping, I noticed that many varieties had nonsense all over their labels. If you are unfamiliar with tanning lotions, they often have silly (sometimes punny) names.
I came across an amusing offering in a pink-and-black bottle from tanning line Designer Skin: Conceited. Evidently, it comes in an appetizing, “Candy Crush,” fragrance (hurry along, junkies!). Here’s what it looks like.
Its label states:
“Love you or hate you—no one can deny you’re fierce! So attract the attention you deserve with a dark, look-at-me shade of bronze! Spoil yourself with Designer Skin’s notorious 10X bronzing power wrapped in an illuminating base with an airbrush finish. You’ll look like you just stepped out of a magazine and everyone else will be green with envy. Jealousy is an illness, get well soon!
What? I can’t say what I expected from a bottle of tanning lotion. Not much, but not this. Let’s have a look at this.
Sounds pretty serious! While the the tanning industry’s habit for describing bronzers with multiplication mystifies me, I would like to address their word choice. Now I know what, “notorious,” means, but let’s see what Google has to say.
Okay. I hadn’t heard of this quality until I went to that item’s product listing. Plus, aren’t bronzers supposed to be a good quality in a tanning bed lotion? Shows what I know. Moving on –
That’s a fancy way of saying, “it is shimmery.” They then move on to tout this product as being edgy and high-tech. QuickSun just means the lotion is tinted like a self tanner. It isn’t technology, it is dye. DS ProBronze Extend and Photo Ready Airbrush Technology are just marketing buzz-words.
I would also like to point out that your ridiculous, shimmery illuminating base and Illuminating Opal Extracts contradict your later claim of a Photo Ready Airbrush matte finish.
I can guarantee you this lotion does not perform any better or worse than whatever the current market favorite is. On top of that, tan length depends on a ton of factors – your own chemistry, how you treat your post-tan skin, etc.
Obviously, I did not buy it to bother trying it. If you would like to experience the wonder that is QuickSun and DS ProBronze Extend, it is available from Lotions2Go and Amazon.