Not to be confused with one of the best damn beauty tools to exist, the beautyblender…
We’ve all made some beauty blunders over the years; some have had more lasting effects (read: consequences) than others. I didn’t really wear makeup in high school, so I can’t chronicle or demonstrate for you how bad it was. I CAN, however, share other beauty blunders of mine with you.
Maybe it was Mimi-style eyeshadow. Perhaps it was a haphazard DIY haircut done with compromised judgment. Maybe you tanned with the help of Crisco. Perhaps it was an overzealous facial regimen that caused more harm than help, a perm in the 80s, or eyebrows plucked razor-thin.
Laugh at my expense!
Frosty Lavender Lips
My family didn’t bar me from making an ass of myself with cosmetics when I was a kid. It was cool of them and I’m glad I had that freedom; I know many of my friends did not, and many youngsters still don’t. I could do weird stuff like wear frosty, metallic purple or blue lipsticks (thanks, Wet n Wild) without causing grief for and with my parents. So… I did exactly that, in middle school. No bothers given. In retrospect, it is positively incredible that I didn’t catch a lot of crap for that from my peers. Sadly, I can’t find images of the tubes!
Red Tresses & Color Removing Messes
I once made the remarkably brilliant decision to color my hair red. No, I didn’t make the youthful mistake of going about it in a ridiculous fashion (drop a line in the comments if you ever tried to color your hair with Kool-Aid or Jell-O mix!) – I got a box of Clairol Herbal Essences Radiant Ruby (no. 44!) and went ham.
I had no idea what I was signing up for with red. The maintenance was killer, and I only bothered for about five months. I didn’t have money for a hairdresser to help me back to something closer to my normal hue gracefully, so I tried to strip the red (DON’T, EVER) which is a lovely way to get brilliant, brassy orange. That took a long time to grow out. Lesson here? Don’t go red (pro or otherwise!) unless you’re prepared to invest significant time and money into maintenance. Even if you don’t do something stupid like stripping it, red does not fade gracefully.
Not-So-Fine Lines
You might be noticing a stupid theme here. Red was, and remains, my favorite color…and I was a stupid teenager, once. Red eyeliner. Pencil, not fabulous gel that was sculpted into a shapely line like I see Angela Cuneo slaying on Instagram. No, not a dual line with black. Just red, pretty sure I bought it from Hot Topic. Yeah – mind you, I wore zero other makeup, I just went through a phase where this was a thing – and what’s worse is that I knew it did not look good. Oh, youth.
Crimping Doesn’t Make for Good Primping
A crimper. Do I need to go into detail? They’re not such a great idea. Trust. The one pictured isn’t the one I owned, but… you get it. If you’ve somehow never seen one of these, it isn’t unlike a deep waver in concept, only… ridiculous looking.
Oh boy….ok, to give some perspective: I’m olive skinned, naturally dark hair. And yet, in high school I though pastel blue or yellow eye shadow with thick black liner was the SHIT. My senior pictures prove this. I also spent the summer between 8th grade and high school putting Sun In in my hair. Mind you, this was after I let my best friend give me a home hair cut, which resulted in the choppiest “lob” ever. It would probably be insta-worthy now but it certainly was not back in 1995.